Total disaster

I fell off the wagon about a year ago.. since, I've gained quite a bit of weight. Believe it or not, as far as heath sites go, I am officially 20 lbs overweight. I weigh in at 137.6 (today) and am only 5'2". This is after getting back onto the wagon about a week ago. I've only lost 5 lbs or so, but I'm working at it.

The problem with starting over?

Control.

I lost my control. I have yet to fast... I'm working into it slowly. I set a 1000 cal a day diet plan. On days that I mess up and pass it, I either go for a 500 cal day, or if I REALLY cross the line and it causes weight GAIN, I plan to fast. Once I've gotten this 1000 cal thing down, I plan to stay at 500 on the reg.

I lost it today.. I don't look forward to seeing my scale tomorrow. I lost it yesturday too, so today was supposed to be a 500 cal day. I was at 360 when my mom asked me to go out to dinner with her... God knows how much was in the 2 (very full) tacos I ate tonight... That was very possibly 1000 cals in itself.. I feel like a failure.. I went to purge and my dad was downstairs, within hearing distance.

I excercised a lot today (as compared to my norm...), but I'm still pretty sure that I may have gained today.. I'm scared. I don't remember how to control myself.

Any suggestions as to how I can possibly gain that control back? I need it. I have a goal of 100 lbs to meet. 37.6 lbs. I can do it. I know I can.. I've done it before. I need support. Help me.